Don't Mind The Door, It's Having A Bad Day
The Hatter led Alice through the door by the hand, a door that
firmly shut after she passed through.
"Don't mind the door, it's having a bad day." remarked the Hatter and they both started down the path together the Hatter idly singing a song whilst marking his time on the cobbles with a battered old silver topped cane.
doors need keys and keys need locks,
Several contain the Jabberwocks,
Whilst others open to a different land,
One is never sure where you will be,
When Alice turns out to be all three."
Wonderland looked no different from what she remembered only more wonderful in real life; hills gently rolled into the distance, bosky dells beckoned in the adventurous, flowers and trees swayed in the breeze whilst a splendid palace made of the whitest bricks and decorated with a hundred hearts stood on the biggest hill surrounded by manicured lawns full of the most wondrous topiary and rose bushes one had ever saw.
A pink cobbled path wound its way through Wonderland with little side paths occasionally shooting off in different directions each with its own sign post. They walked past the path "To The Slippery Snoogler" and way past the path to the "Majestical Moon Maze" until they came to a small clearing with three doors; two white doors with ornate brass handles carved in the shape of running hares and a splendid knocker fashioned like a big acorn and one big sturdy rough oak door, splitting at the frame with a grubby brass knob and an obnoxious door knocker in the shape of a Jabberwock.
"This my dear,
is your problem." The Hatters left eye started to revolve uncontrollably.
"Your problem, my problem, all problems, no problems without problems,
twinkle-twinkle little knife how I'd like to take a life..."
"HATTER!" shouted Alice feeling rather scared, "HATTER! It's Alice! Stop it right now!"
"Let him be, sooner you than me!" said the other Alice with a sneer.
"Stop it Hatter, make it stop!" pleaded Alice.
"Stop what?" said the Hatter his eye slowly returning back to normal, "Ah, you see our problem then? Or should I say YOUR problem."
"I don't understand," said Alice, a trifle worried but really she didn't understand (Alice didn't understand many things but more often than not relied on just what a lady would do in the same situation, this situation however had never occurred before so was quite novel and required a novel solution of which of course she didn't have)
"Do you recognise the doors Alice?" asked the Hatter
"I'm afraid I don't, should I recognise them?" replied Alice unsure if she had missed something along the way.
"No, not really, they appeared when you last left Wonderland and have been appearing ever since, I just thought you might like to see what you have done." said the Hatter quite innocently turning to face the doors. "Choose one and take a look." he added swiping his cane in a wide arc across the front of them. "Choose carefully, or choose uncarefully, I don't really care what people choose who can't choose to cut their own hair."
"My hair is no concern of yours, you really are a rude Hatter." Alice was now determined to get this right, long hair or short hair it didn't matter. "Now, which to choose, well, the white doors look very trim and proper, good enough to contain fine things but I suppose that I should choose the big sturdy oak door as it's the odd one out and grand enough to fit on the finest of houses despite the horrible knocker and unkempt appearance, yes, I shall choose the oak door."
"DON'T choose that one, at least not yet dear Alice" interrupted the Hatter taking hold of Alice's hand, "Think about it a little more." he added then slipped away to observe.
"I know my mind Hatter, I won't have some scissor happy tea-mad tippery tom-tit tell me what to do!" replied Alice with little authority as deep down she didn't want to open the horrible door either but this of course was a matter of principle.
Alice took hold of the handle of the big oak door, it was
warm to the touch she noted as she turned it slowly until she heard a click.
The door blew open with such force that Alice tumbled to the floor, an angry roar came from inside and a billow of flame shot out and licked the sky, Alice rose to her feet only to see a world in turmoil through the door, a red land of volcanoes and arid earth, leaping fire pits and billowing smoke was all around and a tumultuous noise poured out.
"Who disturbs my sleep? Who wishes to feel my wrath? Who wishes to taste my fury!" boomed an unknown voice from out of the turmoil almost deafening Alice.
"Time to finish you!" shouted the Hatter quickly drawing out his knife and leaping towards Alice with an evil look in his eye.
"NO!" shouted Alice in horror as the Hatter, his knife raised high landed beside her, eye twirling furiously as he slammed the door shut and wedged his blade in the door frame to keep it closed.
"That was Anger," said the Hatter nonchalantly, "one of the seven deadly sins you left behind dear Alice, another one is Sloth, he makes young girls fail to cut their hair."